Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
