Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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