Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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