She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
