just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
