is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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