im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
