Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
