Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
