I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
