I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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