I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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