I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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