people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
