fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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