if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
