your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize