Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
