Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Come see our sink grown plant.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
