Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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