You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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