i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
