so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
