How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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