How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
