11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
