My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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