I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
