Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
