I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
