I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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