and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
