Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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