I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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