My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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