I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
