also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
