Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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