Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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