You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
