Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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