I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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