More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
