8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
