I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
