I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
