he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
