3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
