Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
