he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
