i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
