My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize