The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
