I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
did i just pee glitter
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
