I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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