THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
