my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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