everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
