My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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