I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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