if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
