Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
