Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
