so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
