I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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