Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
