spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
