If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
