i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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