i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize