I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
