i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
