i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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