everyone is single if you try hard enough
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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