Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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