is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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