kristin has been a bad kristin
my phone needs a breathalizer
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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