there's paper in my vomit.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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