I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
