Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
