Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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