you're like a bully in the Christmas story
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
