i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
