there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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