Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The power of my boobs compel you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
