Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize