Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
