Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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