yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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