wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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