mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
