She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
