I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
