He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
