I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
only you would photoshop your dick
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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