Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
