You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
