I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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