Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
