you traded sex for a burrito?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
