I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm at about main and main street
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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