I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
