I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
