Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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