I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
