I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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