THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
