how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
