just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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