There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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